1. Ask gently and also at a good time. Never mention the main topic of couples therapy in the center of a fight or as an ultimatum. Find a time when you as well as your partner are calm (not stressed, tired or hungry) and will not be interrupted. Let him/her know how much you like it when the two of you are getting along and have a good time together. Let him/her know that you value your relationship and would like it to be better. Share your fears and become willing to be vulnerable. Do that in a gentle and caring way.
2. Do not blame or criticize. Concentrate on what you look for to enhance in you to ultimately make the relationship better. For example, "I need to learn how you can contact you better, without arguing or fighting." Use "I" statements to pay attention to your feelings.
3. Explain the significance of his or her participation. In case your partner participates, the therapist will become familiar with a lot concerning the relationship by observing the two of you together by hearing both points of view. Your partner's contributions to the success of therapy are valuable, even if he/she decides to visit a few times.
4. Tell him/her what to expect. A good therapist requires a neutral stance and avoids taking sides: their job would be to assist the relationship improve. It is really an advantage over trying to solve problems by asking friends/family for advice, as relatives or friends tend to be biased. Therapy allows both of you to reach your personal conclusions regarding what's best for you.
5. Ask him/her to help you choose a therapist. Determine whether you are able to plan a free initial consultation. During the consultation your partner can ask questions and get a feel for which therapist appears like a good fit.
6. Explain that couples therapy does not have to last a long time. Good therapists trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for example, can utilize tools that have been proved to be effective so you can see results in a almost no time. Based on your circumstances and goals, therapy can be carried out in just a couple months. A great deal depends upon each partner's motivation and taking responsibility for their part.
7. Explain some of the results that can be expected. A few of the areas that can be improved with couples therapy are: communication, sexual life and intimacy, friendship and connection, coping with disagreement and anger, and overall closeness. The strength of our relationships tend to have a major effect on our overall happiness.
8. Explain that treatments are an active process. Find a therapist that's active and involved in maximizing your time and effort in session. We, for instance, assign homework and items to try in-between meetings. You and your partner should you can give feedback at the end of each session so that your therapist knows what's working or otherwise working and may adjust accordingly.
In case your partner still will not arrived at therapy, don't give up your relationship. Remember what motivated you to definitely seek therapy: your love for your lover as well as your desire to have a much better, happier relationship. Go to therapy by yourself and be a much better partner. Maybe after seeing your changes your partner may wish to participate in therapy. And don't forget when you alter and learn possible ways to be in the connection, the connection will also change for that better.